Since the lot of you share your own war stories; your own story of survival. It's time I shared mine. I would like all of you to keep in mind, that I am fully aware that there are more horrible things that have happened than my own personal experience.
When I was six years old, I was strangled by a girl whom lived down the street from me. While I was blacked-out I can remember vaguely seeing Death. He told me it wasn't my time.
After that I was molested for a few years by my own brother.
I was about eight or nine when it happened. I didn't tell anyone until I was seventeen; it was through my therapist. It wasn't until I was twenty-one that I saw my father hear the news from my mom. I can still remember that day as if it happened just hours before. He sat there, and when he came back inside he didn't say a damned thing to me. For a few hours he stared into the distance. he didn't hug me, he didn't even set his hand on my shoulder.
While I was in my own house; I stared into the face of the person who stole something from me every day. Every day was not any easier for me as life usually isn't. I went through Hell at home; and the repercussions have become extraordinary.
I know what it feels like to hate going to sleep because of the constant visions that go on in my head. I know what it feels like to hate surviving what happened to me. Suicide personally would be better because I want to stop those visions from appearing right before my eyes. They're small flashes, but nonetheless they throw me off at times depending on what my head decides to do.
In my own right; I am a survivor and I know what it's like to never escape those terrible memories no matter how much I want to.