Comment

Comment by Rex Lee Galbreath on June 2, 2011 at 6:39am

Two people were willing to give their life for you, the american soldier for your freedom and Christ for your salvation.

Comment by Rex Lee Galbreath on June 1, 2011 at 6:48am

it will always take two to navigate in a relationship-PTSD effects not only the individul but the family as well, as they find it neccessary to take on roles to compensate for the others behavior-Happy Birthaday young lady

Comment by Joe Farmer (Chappy) on August 13, 2010 at 6:09am

From your blog post Something About Dark Days; "It seems to me that these men come home and aren't 'needed' at home as the families have figured out how to survive without them..."

Very insightful! I remember being very very confused trying to figure out where I "fit in" to the new family dynamic that had been created while I was over there. It helped a lot that my Division Officer was also the Command Chaplain, and had briefed us in on the likelihood of such an experience when we got home. He also took the time to meet with any couples who would wish to discuss the issue (which we did) and gave us some VERY helpful tools to use to re-discover each other. His influence was tremendous in my own decision to pursue Chaplaincy!

One of those tools was what he referred to as "self-inflicted need". The spouse who had been the one at home purposefully and voluntarily removes them-self from the fulfillment of something (if there are children involved then preferably the something should involve their care, to facilitate that reconnection at the same time). The "something" should be mutually agreed upon by both spouses--they both have to know and embrace that the responsibility for the something has now shifted. From that point on out, the need is ONLY met by the returning spouse...even if (maybe especially if ) the returning spouse has a difficult time making this adjustment, or is "doing it wrong".

And conversely, the returning spouse shifts a "something" from his unit to the spouse/family. In my case it was free time. I only had a few months between OEF and OIF. I made a conscious decision that my off duty hours were the "property" of the family. Some of my "shippies" were annoyed by this,but most understood and supported it.